Being a wordsmith, I was amused by The Washington Post’s 2010 “neologism contest” results, where readers create alternative meanings for common words.
Some of my favorites:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. (This one hits home since I’m recovering from a broken ankle…)
5. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
6. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
7. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
8. Frisbeetarianism (n), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
In another exercise – for people with clearly too much time on their hands – The Washington Post’s Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Some standouts:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
5. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
6. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
7. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
8. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
9. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
10. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
Any candidates for Webster’s next additions to the lexicon?
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Glad to see that you enjoy the neologisms (those are the made-up word) and the new meanings for existing word. Actually, two Style Invitational contests from 1998 (not 2010) are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, "caterpallor" isn't a one-letter change from "caterpillar," is it?)
Much better to see the the current Invitational — every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.
For example, here are the top winners of our May 7 neologism contest for single-word spoonerisms — where the first letters of different syllables were switched:
Inpocchio: Imprisonment for lying. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)
Thirber: Someone who makes up a story about the secret life of another person. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)
Karping: "You'll never fit in that space, Harold. You're too close to the curb, Harold!" (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Scorohope: Believing you'll get lucky because of your sign. (Chris Lopez, Reston, Va.)
In another contest, every word had to include a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet — backward.
Flingpong: Having your own affair to get even with a cheating spouse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Burpon: Carbonated whiskey. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
Zyxzag: Path created during a DWI test when the cop makes you walk 20 steps while reciting the alphabet in reverse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post